Hey Readers,
I've just gotten back from the Philippines and for writing I have been writing about a Batman picture. It was very challenging because I haven't really been doing much school work in the Philippines. So some things might be wrong so please tell me in the comments! I experienced it sort of easy but also kind of challenging because I only had a couple of day's. If I were here for the couple of weeks I could've made my To Persuade but I couldn't because I was too late doing so I had to do a picture prompt. Here's my work :)
*Door opens and shuts* “Good Evening Mr. Batman, what would you like tonight?” The baker said. Batman looked at the menu and said in a low deep voice “ I would like a cup of tea and a bagel please?” the baker looked at the night sky “Ok so you don’t have a mission today huh?” Batman sat where he could see the night sky *Montage music playing* “Here you go sir, have a good night” the baker said and smiled.
Batman drank his cup of tea and ate his bagel, Batman didn’t even take his first bite but the bat signal lit up. Batman quickly took his first bite then spawned his batmobile “Oop Batman you forgot your checklist” the baker shouted, Batman replied “I’ll pay you next year”. The baker added his debt to the list “Batman has gotta pay a lot he hasn’t been paying…” The baker said while sighing gently. SWOOOOOOSH Batman flying on the starry night sky.
*Door opens and shuts* “Good Evening Mr. Batman, what would you like tonight?” The baker said. Batman looked at the menu and said in a low deep voice “ I would like a cup of tea and a bagel please?” the baker looked at the night sky “Ok so you don’t have a mission today huh?” Batman sat where he could see the night sky *Montage music playing* “Here you go sir, have a good night” the baker said and smiled.
Batman drank his cup of tea and ate his bagel, Batman didn’t even take his first bite but the bat signal lit up. Batman quickly took his first bite then spawned his batmobile “Oop Batman you forgot your checklist” the baker shouted, Batman replied “I’ll pay you next year”. The baker added his debt to the list “Batman has gotta pay a lot he hasn’t been paying…” The baker said while sighing gently. SWOOOOOOSH Batman flying on the starry night sky.
( LATE BLOG POST )
Kia Ora Kristhel,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Shannon, and I’m from the Summer Learning Journey.
You’ve given me a very insightful glimpse into the day to day life of Batman! Looking at the picture, I’m not sure I would’ve thought of such a neat story about the superhero. Sometimes I forget superheroes are regular people too!
I really like how you’ve included instructions like *montage music playing* to set the scene. It's a creative way to entice your reader in and get them thinking along the same lines as you. I also really like the story. No doubt in Gotham, Batman would be incredibly busy; sometimes too busy to even eat his bagel. It’s a shame the poor baker isn’t getting paid though! That’s not very responsible of Batman, but I guess he’s busy and the Baker can trust that he’ll pay him eventually!
In stories, it’s really important to keep them consistent. I notice in your second paragraph that you’ve written that Batman ate his bagel, then he didn’t even get to take a bite of it. Sometimes these small things can confuse your readers. Perhaps you could take out the bit about him eating the bagel to make it more consistent and flow better.
Keep up the great work!
Ka kite anō,
Shannon (SLJ)